The Table

It seems fitting that my first blog be sharing how my coaching company got it’s name.

It was a Tuesday and I was off of work as I was each week. I don’t even have to go back to think about the weather because it’s Phoenix so, it was sunny and hot. I had been in my recovery program for over a year at this point and learning so much. It was nothing close to easy but it was the best work I’ve ever done but that is another blog.

I remember doing my normal Tuesday morning, day off routine. Got my coffee, meditated, read something recovery based and had my devotional time. (If you’re not used to that term, it’s Christian for bible and prayer time). Today was a bit different. I felt despair and hopelessness which was a normal occurrence while I was in the thick of my recovery program.

I sat in my living room and turned on YouTube to have some worship music playing. As a singer, I was right there with Cody Carnes and we were killing it! ( He’ll never know how good we sound together.) I spent about 20 minutes worshiping in my empty house and praying. At some point the praying turned into crying and the crying turned into balling. I felt the weight of my addiction and life struggle. I began thanking God for being with me and never leaving me even in my worst times. Reminded of my favorite passage that the Lord had me focusing on for years, I began speaking to God about Psalm 23. You are my shepherd, you are my guide, I remember saying. And then the tears picked up.

I thanked him for the table that he set in the presence of my enemies, as is described in Psalm 23. That Tuesday, the table He set for me was in the valley of disappointment. I was surrounded by the years of my failures, my attempts to live right and say no to destructive habits, the shame, the insecurity, the depression, the anxiety, the emptiness, the fear and the dead dreams. Those were the enemies that He set the table in front of.

When I began to thank him for the table, I could see it. I was at the table. It was full and abundant. I began to say, “There’s love at the table, there’s peace at your table, there’s hope at the table, there is rest at the table, there is healing at the table.” The next phrase was where it hit. I yelled, through the tears and desperation, “I picked up my freedom at the table!” As soon as I that phrase left my mouth, I was at the table, Jesus reached out his hand, I took it and He walked me out of the valley. Holy Crap! It was so real. I had never had an experience that was probably classified as a vision of some sort. I could see that extended hand and I knew what it all meant.

I was not alone.

I was seen.

I was heard.

I was loved.

I was in good hands.

That day, God reminded me of the abundant table that he has prepared for me in that valley. I thought of how peculiar it was for Him to set a table in the valley of death when we had just come through green pastures and quiet waters. (Psalm 23. Check it out.) Why set the table here, God? Surely it would have been better placed back there. But God knows exactly what He is doing. He set that table of rest in the lowest place in my life so I could sit, regain my strength, receive his love and grace, and get filled up to continue on the journey.

But why am I sitting and enjoying your goodness while the darkness was strategizing against me?
He was and is in control.

What I have learned over the years of my life and more so these past 3 years of deep recovery work, is that God is in control and He loves and cares for me. He cares for my physical, emotional, relational and spiritual health. When I moved to Arizona 4 years ago, I would have never imagined I would be in a space in my life where God pushed the pause button and carved out time for me to heal and recover at His table.

“The table is where I found my freedom.”

So, the table.

When it came time for me to step up and put these years of addiction and despair to good use, the name of my coaching business came pretty easily. The Coaching Table.

I want that table to be everything that God has set for you to receive strength and freedom. I want the conversations at the coaching table to be filled with compassion, with healing, with encouragement and with growth. This name means so much to me but even if no one reads this and still has a seat at the table, I know that God is there and He has everything we need to keep going.

My prayer is that you will pick up your freedom at the table.